Based on the legendary How To column in The Guardian here is the wisdom found in the smallest arching of the eyebrow.

November 24, 2014

Swearing is how humans bark.  It’s a way of showing other people that you’re hurt, frightened or angry. Men normally swear more than women possibly because they get more hurt, frightened and angry. Or possibly because they’re just a load of f****** a*******s.

 

Swear wor...

November 24, 2014

Vandals are generally disaffected youth who have been bypassed by the Scouting movement. It goes without saying that there is no Scout badge for vandalism.   Modern vandals generally lack ambition personally and professionally.  The original Vandals sacked ancient Rome...

November 24, 2014

People who are smug suffer from a superiority complex. Smugness is the conviction that you’re just a little bit better than other people. This would be arrogance if it wasn’t also mixed with a pinch of humility. Smug people know they’re better and the fact that they’re...

November 24, 2014

Model citizens forward mail to the previous occupants of their house for seventeen years after they’ve moved. They do their income tax return on the afternoon of the 5th April to catch the first post on the 6th. And they fill it in with black ink and clear capitals. Th...

September 1, 2014

However irritating other people are, no-one has the power to annoy you faster or more intensely than yourself. Annoying yourself comes from a temporary loss of self-control when you do something that you know is foolish, dangerous or will have other unpleasant conseque...

September 1, 2014

Teenagers only recognise two possible states of being: you can either be cool or you can be boring. Being boring is never cool and being cool is never boring. You just have to be very aware that what is cool one day is boring the next. Unless you are a parent of course...

September 1, 2014

Irritants are a form of life rage served in fun-size portions. Often the most irritating things are only irritating because they’re habits. For example you wouldn’t mind if people did that little flicky movement with their hair once. It’s just that they do it five thou...

September 1, 2014

Not everyone is paranoid. Yet. Some people think there’s a lot more paranoia around these days but they’re mistaken. There’s the same amount as there’s always been but it’s focusing on you. 

 

For example, have you noticed recently that people always avoid you in the str...

September 1, 2014

Lying is a key part of modern life and is vital for tax returns, marriage vows and all manner of sworn affidavits. Lies come in two kinds: lies that get you out of trouble and lies that get you into trouble. Often one lie can do both.

 

In poker there are little involunt...

July 10, 2014

You don’t realise how important your dignity is until you suddenly lose it. Falling and breaking a hip is clearly a tragedy but tripping on a paving slab and doing that sudden monkey spasm trip walk thing is rich street comedy.

 

 

During your trip everyone within a mile...

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